Last week I talked about Adult Choices. This weeks post is more of a continuation of that post but it's more of a State of the Moment kind of post...
Six months ago to the day I walked away from my job. A job I may added, while having reached the proverbial glass ceiling; paid pretty good. I packed up my things and walked away from somewhat comfortable but boring life and I left Baltimore. I choose to take a leap of faith and pretty much walk away from it all. For all intents and purposes right now, I feel like an alien in a strange land (For some reason Sting is in my head right now, for the uninformed, Englishman in New York).
I am just getting my life really going in my new state of residency. Things are still really new to me but I am finally working again and moving in the right direction. This has probably been one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life.
Every now and then I might feel a little discouraged but something will happen that changes all of that. This past week I was texting with one of my ex-coworkers and he told me, "Be the beast...you are a testament to us all. Don't let them take your artistic soul!" And that really touched me.
I always...always said that I couldn't wait to have something as simple as my Facebook profile saying that my current city was somewhere else and my hometown was Baltimore. Well for the past 6 months I have been living that life. Whenever I am out in public or at work and I hear people talking, every now and then I kind of chuckle to myself. I am still amazed that I did it. After all this time, it still feels quite surreal. In the beginning, especially when I wasn't work, it felt like I was on the longest vacation EVER! It took me a couple of months to get used to the idea that it wasn't a vacation but that this was actually an ongoing part of my life right now. I missed family...I missed friends...I missed the monotonous routines...
For as much as I wanted to get away, there was still a part of me that was still back in Baltimore. Those first couple of months were so strange to me. I mean I was really excited but I was also kind of sad. Have you guys ever experienced that kind of feeling? That kind of...hmmm...happy guilty I think I'll call it. It's like enjoying something that you tell yourself that you shouldn't enjoy too much. I mean it's crazy exhilarating though.
There are plenty of pluses. I mean my family and I have always been close and with all the bad things and death that has happened in my close-knit family the last few years we have gotten even closer. But it is true what they say, when they say "...absence makes the heart grow fonder" because every time I talk to my sisters or dad or even my friends back home, I feel so much love surrounding us all. I never in a million years would have imagined that I would... You know some people never see themselves outside of the situations that they are in now. I mean they probably have the same dreams as most of us. They know that they are going to grow up, get a job and maybe start a family. They'll probably travel, do wonderful things, become wonderful people but they probably stay in the same circle or same town that they grew up in and don't get me wrong that perfectly ok...but for me for someone who has always felt outside of the box...someone who imagined things happening in a whole different way...it's awesome that I am building a life outside of where I'm from. In a different town.
I am truly feeling no regrets. Even when facing adversities or uncertainties at times, I have always like the Phoenix, risen from the ashes. Yet I have always been hesitant about making big choices or moves. It's funny...years ago, I wouldn't have the testicular fortitude to do some of the things I have been doing the past few years. I mean I may have talked about but I always had the fear of not being able to conquer them very same adversities or uncertainties or not being able to pull of what I said I would do. It was like I could see the other side of the mountain but I kept putting these obstacles in my way. I couldn't get past my own mental obstacles. And then it happened a year or so ago. I told myself it's now or never. From that point on, I begin to devote myself to the task at hand. And that brought me to six months ago where I seized my own destiny and took my leap of faith. It has been unreal up to this point for me. I am glad that today I am at where I am in my life and I can't wait to see how the next six months play out...
Well you guys it's about 4am and I should have been sleep hours ago but I had to finish this post for you guys...felt like I was about to start rambling, LOL. I put so much time into this post this weekend but I always have fun sharing with you guys. Who know some day I may pen a memoir and you guys definitely would be apart of it. Thanks for allowing me to share with you, the faithful few.
Until next week...
-Namaste
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